By Danniel Parker
In a surprise news conference on Friday, April 1, Mary Fallin and representatives of Devon Energy revealed their plan to move the State Capitol back to the city of Guthrie to make way for the new MAPs-3 Convention Center.
“Our great city must make sacrifices and changes in our partnership with Devon Energy,” Fallin said. “But let’s not forget that Guthrie was the site of our State Capitol when our great state was founded.”
The current State Capitol building at 313 NE 21 St. is tentatively set to be demolished by Dec of 2012. In its place, the Devon Convention Center will be built.
This marks the first time Oklahoma has admitted Guthrie as its Capitol since 1907. Legend has it that it was moved to Oklahoma City against Guthrie citizens’ will.
The Mayor of Guthrie, Chuck Burtcher likened this move to karmic retribution.
“It took us 104 years to get our state capitol back where it belongs,” Burtcher said. “And it’s always belonged to the good people of Guthrie.”
Speaker of the House Kris Steele said that a return to Guthrie marks a symbolic return to traditional family values for the state.
“Guthrie is a fine place, full of salt of the Earth Americans with Red Clay passing through their veins,” said Steele. “It’s a place that I feel represents the true values of real Oklahomans.”
Not all of our elected officials support the idea. Senator Constance Johnson said she had reservations about where the new State Capitol is scheduled to be built.
The proposed building site for the new State Capitol is at the former address of the Guthrie School for Boys, which burned down in a tragic fire in 1978. Since then the former youth detention center has claimed the lives of many teenagers from around the state who illegally break in and attempt to ring its chapel bell.
“I think certain members of our administration aren’t listening to the facts that are right in front of their face,” said Johnson. “They simply won’t accept an idea because it doesn’t fit into their worldview.
“And the fact of the matter is, that orphanage is haunted. We’ll see how the Republicans like it when the voices of little children start being heard from the walls during legislative sessions,” said Johnson.
The 43rd Annual Powerglide Monster Truck Rally featuring Truckasaurus the Fire-Breathing Decimator is scheduled as the opening event for the Devon Convention Center.
Anita Bryant and Toby Keith have signed on to sing a duet from the musical Oklahoma during the ribbon cutting ceremony. Former Olympian Shannon Miller will provide an interpretive dance for the hearing impaired.
Senator Andrew Rice spoke to the City Sentinel from his Yacht off the coast of Key West this weekend. He said he was in swim trunks and ready to hit the beach with his wife Apple.
“First off, yes, my wife is named Apple,” Rice said. “And what kind of reporter starts a phone interview by asking me what I’m wearing?”
Rice said he’d be glad to speak to reporters from The City Sentinel in the future, but only if we acted in a professional manner, which in this reporter’s opinion is a tell sign that he’s hiding something.
Senior Editor of The City Sentinel Patrick McGuigan weighed in on the matter.
“Heck, all I know is they better have a big enough broom closet for my office,” he said.
April Fools, from The City Sentinel.